The feeling of not being good enough.

Nothing ever hurt me as badly as the feeling of being falling behind in life, look back and feel that the whole last year has been wasted, is my punishment for not being good enough.
Life is tough, I knew that. At least that’s what they always say. They told me I had to be tough as well, and I believed I could so. But I had never truly needed to be so. Until now.
Now I’m standing here, feeling I’m dying inside, watching everyone else go on, doing something, being someone, While I’m crying as I now I can’t reach them anymore.
Not good enough for this world, not good enough for this career, not good enough for this life.
Maybe I deserve it. Maybe we all get an amount of happiness for life, and I already used mine. Maybe I was so happy for the first 22 years of my life, that I have nothing left.
I just hope we also have an amount of sadness, so I can use it all and then stop feeling.